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A Little Excitement 



A PLAY FOR GIRLS 
IN THREE ACTS 



BY 
GERTRUDE KNEVELS 



Copyright, 1921, By SAMUEL FRENCH 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 
28-30 West 38th Street 



London 

Samuel French, Ltd. 

Publisher 

26 Southampton St., Strand 



CHARACTERS. 



Miss Sophia Snatchem Head of the School 

Miss Archer (M. de Bonbon) A teacher who is 

not so prim as she looks 

Nora An Irish servant girl 

Mike A young policeman, in love with Nora 

Tony The ''Naughtiest girl in school 

Maude Tony's dearest friend 

Dolly Also her dearest friend 

EviE Blake A love-sick young thifig 



Rosalie 

Clare 

Millicent 

Hilda 

Madge 

Ethel 



.School-girls, 



Act I. Morning. Arrival of the Heiress. 
Act H. Afternoon. The Dancing Lesson. 
Act hi. Evening. The Mid-night Feast. 



H'R 29 1921 
3 






1 



COSTUMES. 



The costumes for the play should involve little 
or no expense. If it is not possible to borrow a 
policeman's uniform for Mike, he can wear dark 
trousers, a dark blue coat with collar turned up and 
ornamented with gold buttons. A helmet can be 
easily imitated out of card-board covered with cloth. 
He should wear white cotton gloves and carry a 
policeman's club. A reddish wig is advisable. This 
part can with perfect propriety be taken by a girl. 

Nora. Act I. A red wig. Light colored blouse 
turned in at neck. Very full skirt of gay plaid 
gingham or striped calico, short enough to show 
white cotton stockings and large clumsy boots with 
half of the buttons missing. Short jacket of antique 
design and absurdly trimmed sailor hat. Carpet 
bag and umbrella. Later, when Nora is attired as 
Angte, she puts on Dolly's coat turned inside out 
and Maudie's hat hind-side-before. Face is 
shrouded in pink automobile veil and white gloves 
thrust on hands. 

Act. IL A silk dress much trimmed and both 
too tight and too short. A sash and ribbons fail 
to hide deficiencies. Necklace and bracelets. Hair 
in a stiff braid tied with huge bow. 

Later, at the dancing lesson, Nora changes to 
white dress like those of other girls but too short 
in sleeves and skirt, and evidently a misfit. Her 
hair is absurdly frizzed and tied with bright green 



6 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

ribbon. If preferred, Nora need not make this 
change of costume, but may retain dress worn at 
beginning of act. 

Act III. Same white dress covered by Dolly's 
coat and Maudie's hat and veil. Carries carpet bag 
so stuffed that it opens, fan, gloves, mirror, etc., 
falling out. 

Miss Snatchem. Act I. Old-maidish costume 
of purple or dark gray. Neat white collar, large 
brooch, black silk apron. Hair dressed primly in 
old-fashioned style. 

Act II. Black, green, or drab silk costume with 
lace collar. 

Act III. Striped flannel wrapper. Hair in curl 
papers under night cap. Carpet slippers. Carries 
poker. 

Miss Archer. Act I. White shirtwaist and 
black skirt, neat tie. Hair very plainly dressed, 
spectacles. 

Act II. Tight black frock or cutaway coat, light 
trousers, curly black wig, and black waxed mus- 
tache. Pumps. 

Act III. Same costume as Act II, with addi- 
tion of soft black hat and over-coat or cloak on arm. 

Tony. Act I. White sailor blouse and blue 
serge skirt. Hair tied back with black ribbon. 

Act II. White muslin dress and Roman sash and 
hair ribbon. 

Act III. Cape or cloak over white blouse, gypsy 
sash and blue serge skirt or gymnasium bloomers. 
Boy's cap with feather. Hair floating. 

EviE. Act I. Sailor blouse and blue serge skirt. 
Hair in long curls. 

Act II. White frock and blue sash. Blue beads. 

Act III. Picture hat, floating veil. Cloak or 
evening wrap over white dress. Long gloves, a 
handbag. 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 7 

Dolly. Act I. Sailor blouse and serge skirt. 
Later, on re-entrance, she wears long coat and tarn 
o'shanter cap. 

Act II. White dress, pink sash, and ribbons. 

Act hi. Pink kimono. Lace boudoir cap. 

Maudie. Act I. Sailor blouse and skirt. 

Act II. White frock and red sash, etc. 

Act III. Blue wrapper. Lace boudoir cap, hair 
in long braids. Worsted slippers. 

The Girls. Act I. Sailor blouses (white) and 
short serge skirts. 

Act II. White dresses, colored sashes and rib- 
bons. Dancing slippers. 

Act III. Light colored kimonos. Some may 
wear lace boudoir caps and all have hair loose or in 
braids. Bedroom slippers. On re-entrance for 
"burglar-hunt" they should be armed with umbrel- 
las, tennis racquets, golf sticks, hair brushes, etc. 

SCENERY. 

There is but one scene throughout, study-room of 
the school. If it is not convenient to have desks for 
girls, they may sit at long table. Teacher's desk at 
left. Wardrobe or door supposed to lead to closet at 
right. Entrances right and left. Small mirror on 
wall. High screen or high-backed sofa at left. 
Maps and pictures on wall. A black-board, etc. 

MUSIC. 

During the first part of Dancing Lesson, Act II, 
a march or two-step should be played. Later a 
waltz. If not convenient to have orchestra, a Vic- 
trola may be played on stage. 



A Little Excitement 



ACT I. 



Scene: — Study-room of Miss Snatchem's School 
for Girls at Squccks-kill-on-the-Hudson. Miss 
Archer sifs at desk, zuriting. Girls in easy 
attitudes at desks. Maude munches chocolates, 
Dolly curls hair round pencil, Evie is absorbed 
in yellow-backed novel partly hidden behind 
atlas. All are idling. 

Miss Archer. (Looking up and taking in situa- 
tion) Girls, would you like a new sensation? 

Girls. Yes, Miss Archer! (All straighten up 
and look interested except Evie zvho continues to 
read) 

Miss Archer. (Sarcastically) Try studying — 
just for a change! Evie Blake! (She crosses and 
takes book from EviEJ Give me that book. 

Evie. Oh, please let me have it! Only three 
pages more and 77/ know who married the Count ! 

Miss Archer. Indeed I shall do nothing of the 
sort. You are getting more silly and sentimental 
every day of your life, Evie Blake — just from read- 
ing this silly, love-sick stuff. 

Evie. (Rolling eyes and trying to look romantic) 
9 



10 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Love — ah love ! What a wonderful word that is — 
(Voice outside. Evie is jerked into seat by tzvo of 
the girls and Miss Snatchem enters) 

Miss Snatchem. (Speaking to some one out- 
side) Tell the new servant to wait in the hall. I 
have no time to interview her now. (To girls) 
Ah, young ladies! (Girls rise respectfully, then sit) 
Miss Archer ! It seems almost a pity to disturb such 
industry, but you may be pleased to hear that in 
honor of the arrival of our new pupil, Miss Gott- 
rich, I have decided to give you all a half-holiday. 

Girls. Thank you, Miss Snatchem ! 

Miss Archer. You are quite sure that Miss 
Gottrich is coming this morning? 

Miss Snatchem. Would you have me doubt the 
word of Antoinette, her cousin? By the way, I do 
not see Antoinette here? 

Miss Archer. Antoinette was seized with that 
peculiar faintness which so often troubles her dur- 
ing the algebra lesson. I excused her, but — if I'm 
not mistaken — that is her step in the hall now — 
(Loud noise outside of a fall, apologies, and hearty 
laughter. Enter Tony, laughing so that she can 
hardly stand upright) 

Tony. Ha, ha ! Did you hear me tumbling over 
the number tens of that object in the hall? (Sees 
Miss SnatchemJ Oh, Miss Snatchem, I beg your 
pardon ! 

Miss Snatchem. Antoinette, your conduct is 
positively inexcusable. If it were not for the esteem 
and affection w^hich I have for your admirable 
mother and all your very influential family, I should 
be tempted to send you 

Tony. (Pretending fright) Oh, Miss Snatchem! 

Miss Snatchem. To send you to bed! Miss 
Archer, you may now dismiss your pupils. ("Miss 
Archer rings bell on desk, girls file out, Tony mak- 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT ii 

inn naughiy face at Miss SnatchemJ Please fol- 
low me to my office in half an hour, Miss Archer. 
I trust by that time you will be able to give me defi- 
nite information about the arrival of the new danc- 
ing master. (SJie turns to go) 

Miss Archer. (Despairingly) But I've already 
told you 

Miss Snatchem. I shall expect him this after- 
noon at four o'clock. Surely, Miss Archer, I need 
not again remind you how much depends upon our 
making the proper impression on this Miss Gottrich 
the first day of her arrival. During our present — 
er — financial crisis, the question of getting and keep- 
ing pupils of such wealth and distinction is an im- 
portant one indeed. I may say that on it hangs the 
fate of the School ! (Exit Miss Snatchem. Tony 
enters at opposite door, takes Miss Archer hy arm, 
and leads her front) 

Tony. I say, Archie, old girl, what about this 
new dancing master? 

Miss Archer. (Sternly) Now, Tony, you 

Tony. (Patting her on the hack) There, there 
now, don't have a fit ! You can keep your secret 
from the other girls and be as prim and proper as 
you please, but / know you aren't really the stifif 
old maid Snatchy would like you to be. If she 
didn't make you wear your hair like that (ruffles it) 
and insist on those ridiculous spectacles (taking 
them off and trying them on her ozun nose), I be- 
lieve you wouldn't be half bad looking. Do you re- 
member the day last week when you practised the 
fox trot before the parlor mirror? 

Miss Archer. (Looking about her in fright) 
Oh, Tony — hush ! 

Tony. / saw you ! Now you've got to promise 
to show us girls the new steps. 



12 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Miss Archer. But Miss Snatchem doesn't ap- 
prove of the new dances. 

Tony. That's so. Well, perhaps this new danc- 
ing master will insist on teaching them. 

Miss Archer, (hnpaticntly) There isn't any 
new dancing master ! Monsieur de Bonbon tele- 
phoned this morning that he must throw up the 
engagement because Miss Snatchem refuses to pay 
the salary he requires. I've been trying all morn- 
ing to get up courage to break the news to her. 
She'll be frightfully disappointed because she 
counted on the impression his first lesson would 
make on your cousin, Miss Gottrich. By the way, 
Tony darling, are you really certain that Miss Gott- 
rich is coming to-day? It seems so strange she 
should not have written to Miss Snatchem. 

Tony. (Carelessly) Don't know — can't say, I'm 
sure. But, listen, Archie, about the dancing master — 
I believe I've got a plan. If it succeeds it will really 
help Miss Snatchem, and if it fails — well, anyhow 
it will mean what we're all dying for in this dull 
hole — a little excitement ! 

Miss Archer. (Yawning and throwing herself 
in chair) Excitement? In this place? Impossible! 

Tony. Not so utterly — when Fm around! Let 
me give you a piece of news. Monsieur de Bonbon 
is coming. In fact he is here now! 

Miss Archer. Here now? Are you crazy? 

Tony. Part of him is sitting on your chair and 
part of him is here! (She runs to closet and re- 
turns with mans black overcoat and soft hat ; takes 
black mustache from pocket of her dress. She 
forces Miss Archer into coat, rams hat on her 
head, sticks mustache on face and leads her to glass) 
There! Allow me — (Courtcsying) Our new danc- 
ing master, M. Pierre de Bonbon. 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 13 

Miss Archer. Tony, what madness is this? Do 
you actually mean that I 

Tony. I mean that at three-thirty you are put to 
bed with a sick headache. At four precisely Mon- 
sieur de Bonbon marches up the steps of Miss 
Snatchem's Select Academy for Young Ladies. He 
comes, he sees, he conquers, sweeping all before him 
like Caesar, Alexander, Hannibal — any of those old 
stiffs ! Snatchy is delighted ! The girls tumble head 
over heels in love with him ! Everybody's happy ! 
On the stroke of six he disappears like the darling 
little black-mustached Cinderella he is! Nobody 
suspects, weVe all had a glorious time, and — a little 
excitement! (She grabs Miss Archer by both 
hands and whirls her around) 

Miss Archer. (Out of breath) Of — course — 
you — know — it's — quite impossible. I — Eve taken a 
man's part in theatricals at home — I can't deny it 
would be fun to play a trick on those silly girls who 
think I'm such a stick — especially on that love-sick 
Evie! But if Miss Snatchem should find out 

Tony. (Impatiently) She won't find out. 
Haven't you told me you mean to leave at the end 
of the term anyway? 

Miss Archer. Yes, my salary hasn't been paid 
for months, and 

Tony. And isn't likely to be. The school is run- 
ning down, the girls who are left will all be going 
soon, unless things are made more attractive. They 
must have 

Miss Archer. (Smiling) A little excitement ! 

Tony. (Embracing her) You duck ! You darl- 
ing! — You consent? 

Miss Archer. Certainly not. I couldn't possibly 
— well, perhaps — Yes, I — I'll think it over ! 

Tony. Angel ! Skip, up the back stairs to my 
room. I'll follow to plan details. (She pushes Miss 



1 



14 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Archer to door, giving her resounding kiss. Enter 
Miss Snatchem_, who catches glimpse of fleeing 
figure) 

Miss. Snatchem. Antoinette, that frightful 
sound — ? 

Tony. A kiss. I was kissing 

Miss Snatchem. (Horribly shocked) Kissing! 

Tony. A man. 

Miss Snatchem. Kissing a manf Heavens ! 
where is he? What is he? How did he get in? 
Help, help ! 

Tony. Calm yourself, dear Miss Snatchem, I'm 
sure it can't be good for you to get so excited. 

Miss Snatchem. But this man? — (She goes to- 
ward door) 

Tony. (Following and leading her firmly back) 
Do you happen to remember my Uncle Theodore 
who came to see me last year? 

Miss Snatchem. Perfectly. The very wealthy 
one with the blond mustache. 

Tony. You mean black — at least it's black this 
year! Poor dear Uncle, he is so shy ! Don't you 
remember he only stayed ten minutes for fear of 
meeting the girls? 

Miss Snatchem. I remember. And so your ex- 
cellent uncle has come and gone again without my 
seeing him ? Heavens, what a pity ! I've had it in 
mind for some time to give him the privilege of in- 
vesting a little money — just a few thousands in our 
plant here. I could have shown him my plans 

Tony. Too bad, but don't worry. I'll write and 
see what I can do. 

Miss Snatchem. You dear child, you treasure ! 
What a comfort you are to me, Antoinette, — or 
would be if you could but learn to, control your 
impetuous disposition. (Heads of Maudie and 
Dolly appear in doorivay r. In dumb shozv they 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 15 

ojfer support to Tony in present crisis, she refuses 
and frantically signals them to retire) Ah, I am not 
ungrateful. I have not forgotten, Antoinette, that 
but for you I should not be expecting the heiress, 
Miss Gottrich, this morning! 

Tony. Miss Gottrich ! Jiminy-crickets, I'd for- 
gotten all about her! (To Miss SnatchemJ But 
Miss Snatchem, suppose — suppose she shouldn't 
come? 

Miss Snatchem. (Horrified) Shouldn't come? 
What — after I have had the piano tuned, three bed- 
rooms and the parlor papered, engaged the new 
dancing master, had the tennis courts rolled and ice 
cream placed on the daily menu? After such ex- 
pense as that to be disappointed? Impossible! 
(She sails out l. leaving Tony doubled up zvith 
laughter. Enter Dolly and Maudie r. 'in outdoor 
dress. They run to front and stand one on each side 
of Tony, all three linking arms) 

Tony. (Looking after Miss Snatchem j Oh, 
dear, oh, dear, I'm up against it now ! 

Dolly. What's up, Tony ? 

Maudie. (Taking apple from pocket and biting 
it) Have you been catching it from Snatchy? 

Dolly. (Filling her mouth zvith candy from a 
bag she has taken out of pocket) Oh, Tony, darl- 
ing, everybody says you're the naughtiest girl in 
school ! 

Tony. (Helping herself from bag and taking 
bite of apple) I'm not the greediest anyway ! Girls, 
you two are my very dearest friends, aren't you ? 

Dolly and Maudie. Of course we are ! 

Tony. If I tell you a secret will you promise not 
to tell ? 

Maudie. A secret! 

Dolly. Oh, how scrumptious! 



i6 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Dolly and Maudie. We swear and declare we'll 
never tell a living soul ! 

Tony. Well, then, listen — this heiress girl who's 
expected to-day 

Maudie. (Interrupting) Hurrah ! A holiday — 
ice cream for dinner ! 

Dolly. The tennis court's rolled — our hest 
dresses — 

Tony. Be quiet, will you? This Angeline, the 
heiress, is a 

Maudie and Dolly. Is what? 

Tony. A myth ! 

Dolly and Maudie. (Very reproachfully) Oh, 
Tony ! 

Tony. It was this way. Angie Gottrich is my 
cousin and at one time something was said about 
her coming here. When I told Miss Snatchem I said 
Angie was crazy about dancing and would be sure 
to be in time to begin the term. All that was true, 
though perhaps I did embroider a bit about her 
fortune, it was such fun to see poor old Snatchy's 
eyes get bigger and bigger ! Well, last week Angie 
wrote that she had decided to go to Europe. I ought 
to have told Miss Snatchem at once, but when I saw 
how she was making just the improvements that are 
most needed for the good of the dear old school, 
I — well, I didn't have the heart to say a word ! 

Dolly. And nozi} what are you going to do? 

Maudie. You're in a fix nozv, Tony, and serve 
you right! 

Tony. I have an idea. Suppose we get some 
girl here on a visit and make her play the part of 
Angie? 

Maudie and Dolly. Splendid ! 

Tony. We'd have all the benefits of an heiress 
in the home, and meanwhile I'll coax a check for 
Snatchy out of Uncle Theo. 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 17 

Dolly. That's all very well, but we haven't the 
girl — fNoRA appears in doorzuay r. She carries 
timbrella and carpet bag) 

Nora. (Coining forzvard) Plaze, and wud ye 
be so kind as to tell me if yez arre wantin' a gurrl 
here? 

Tony. A girl, why 

Nora. 'Tis wan solid hour Oi'm waitin' to see 
the madam, an' divil an oi hev Oi set on her yet, 
Oi'm wantin' a place bad, but Oi'll be stippin' along 
— (She turns to door) 

Tony. (Running after her and dragging her 
front) No, no, don't go ! We — er — we are think- 
ing of employing a girl here, that is a girl for 

Nora. (Setting down hag and putting hands on 
hips) For cookin' is it, ye'd want me? Faith, 'tis 
mesilf can brile the grandest steak • 

Tony. We wouldn't want you for cooking 

Nora. Sure, 'tis to wait on the table, thin? 
Oi'm as nate as a pin, yez can tell that jist ter look 
at me figger! (Turns round to show off ridiculous 
figure) 

Dolly. No, we wouldn't want you to wait on 
the table,— — 

Nora. To swape, thin? Och shure, the sight o' 
dust sets me that disthracted Oi can't bear to be 
lookin' at it. 

Maudie. We don't want you to sweep. 

Nora. (Puzzled) An' phwat the divil will yez 
be afther havin' me do thin? 

Tony. (Confidentially) You see, Angie, it's like 
this 

Nora. Me name's Nora ! 

Tony. (Firmly) Not if you take this place. 
Your name is Miss Angeline Montgomery Gottrich, 
and you've just arrived from Oskawooska, Michi- 
gan, in your own limousine, to be one of Miss 



1 



i8 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Snatchem's prize pupils. Do you catch on? It 
doesn't matter if you don't — just keep your eye on 
me and do exactly as I say. Now, girls, how about 
her clothes? 

Dolly. Oh, that's easy. I'll tm'n my coat wrong 
side out. (She removes polo coat, reverses it arid 
puts it on Nora, tossing Nora's old jacket zvith her 
hat behind screen) 

Maudie. And my hat hind side before — and 
here's a veil and gloves ! (She puts hat on Nora 
and throzvs pink automobile veil over it) 

Tony. That's splendid, but oh, I say, her feet — 
(Points dramatically to Nora's large, ill-shod feet) 

Dolly. Hush — ^liere they come ! (Enter Miss 
Snatchem with Miss Archer and girls) 

Miss Snatchem. Eleven-thirty and that dear 
child is not here yet? What can have happened? 

Tony. (Pushing Nora forward) Nothing has 
happened. Miss Snatchem, Miss Archer, girls — 
allow me to present to you my dear cousin. Miss 
Angeline Montgomery Gottrich ! (Mis>s Snatchem 
clasps Nora to her arms, Miss Archer turns sus- 
picious eyes on Tony, girls in background all clap 
hands with delight) 

Curtain. 



ACT 11. 

Scene : — Same scene, study-room. Room prepared 
for dancing, desks removed, and chairs set in 
rotv along wall. Nora enters left and bumps 
into Tony, entering hastily at right. 

Tony. (Indignantly) Angle, where have you 
been? I've been chasing- you ever since dinner! 

Nora. Och, shure, Oi jist slipped down to the 
air-way t' have a wurrd wid me cousin, the Police- 
man. 

Tony. The PoHceman? 

Nora. Shure, we've been kapin' comp'ny this 
long- time, me and him, but he's been houldin' back 
a bit — the young divil — an' I t'ought af he c'u'd juist 
see me in this grand dress ye give me — (Spreads out 
skirt and admires herself before glass) 

Tony. (Hiding laughter) Did he admire you? 

Nora. You bet he did ! If it hadn't been fer th' 
Mistress comin' tippin' along, the shly cat she is 

Tony. (Frightened) What? She didn't see 
you^ 



Nora. Not she. She tuk wan luik at me cousin's 
back as he j imped the fince and aff she run, scream- 
in' bluidy murrder an' burrglars 

Tony. Oh, so fJiaf's what the burglar scare is 
about! Miss Snatchem's having all the window 
fastenings examined and she talks of getting a man 

19 



20 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

to guard the house to-night. The girls are not sup- 
posed to know, but of course they've all found out 
and ever}^ one will be afraid to go to bed, — not that 
we meant to go early, anyway, for we've planned 
a grand midnight feast, all in honor of your arrival. 
But come, Angie, it's getting late, and the dancing 
lesson will begin directly. Go and put on that white 
dress I laid out on the bed and see if you can't do 
something with your hair. I wish we could have 
found a pair of decent shoes to fit you — ^but perhaps 
nobody will look at your feet 

Nora. (Indignant) Ale fate, is it? An' phwat's 
the matter wid me fate? Oi'll have ye know they're 
two av' the natest, most iligant fate that iver came 
over the say ! (She raises skirts to display huge 
feet) 

Tony. Oh, of course, they are very — unusual ! 
There, never mind, only hurry 

Nora. Ah, phwat's yer hurry? There's wan 
thing I'm wantin' to ask yez. Phwat about me 
V\/ages ? 

Tony. (Reproachfully) Wages? Why, Angie, 
isn't it enough for you to live in this fine house with 
lots to eat, the choice of all our best clothes to wear, 
and nothing to do but rest ? — and then you have to go 
worrying me about wages ! You ungrateful 

Nora. Divil a bit am I ungrateful ! Rist indade ! 
'Tis a f oine rist ye're givin' me ; — makin' fun av me 
pore fate from mornin' to night, squazin' in me waist 
till 'tis like to burrst, an' plaguin' me head wid askin' 
me av Oi talk Frinch — Frinch indade ! 

Tony. (Soothingly) There now, don't worry! 
All you'll have to say to the French dancing master 
is "Bonjoiir, Monsieur," and make a low courtesy, 
like this. (She courtesies, Nora tries to imitate her, 
and almost falls flat) 

Nora. Bonjower, bonjower — phwat kind o' mon- 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 21 

key talk is that at all? Begorrah, this job's wurrth 
thirrty dollars af it's wurrth a cint 

Tony. Thirty dollars — impossible! We might 
raise twenty if you'll give us time. 

Nora. 'Dade an' I won't 'Tis married Oi ixpict 
to be before the wake's out. (Aside) And maybe 
sooner ! 

Tony. Married ! Impossible — I won't hear of 
such nonsense. There — be off now. (Stamps her 
foot and pohits to door. Exit Nora, tossing her 
head) Heavens ! If Snatchy had caught her in 
the arms of the Policeman ! Well, anyway, I seem 
to be getting what I wanted out of this — a little 
excitement ! 

(Enter Miss Archer dressed as M. de Bonbon. 
She is evidently nmeh embarrassed and looks 
nervously from side to side. As Tony advances 
she screams and starts.) 

M. DE Bonbon. Oh ! Oh ! 

Tony. You darling, how stunning you look ! 
Bonjour, Monsieur ! (She szveeps a curtsey) 

M. DE Bonbon. (Very nervously) Bonjour, 
Mademoiselle, I salute you ! (He bows and kisses 
Tony's hand. She flings her arms around him, 
then pushes him hastily azvay as Miss Snatchem 
enters) 

Miss Snatchem. Monsieur de Bonbon at last ! 
(Suspiciously to Tony J Antoinette, what are you 
doing here? 

Tony. Dear Miss Snatchem, I was just trying 
my poor little best to make Monsieur feel at home. 
(M. DE Bonbon, seized by fit of shyness, turns and 
"makes break for door. Tony pursues, grabs him 
firmly by arm, and leads him back to Miss 
Snatchem J You see he has so lately left the 



22 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

shores of sunny France, he's been telling me how 
homesick he feels. (Aside to Miss Snatchemj 
You must'nt be surprised if the poor man acts a bit 
strangely. He seems to be not quite himself! . 

Miss Snatchem. (To M. de Bonbon J. Dear 
Monsieur, I trust you are feeling able to conduct 
your class? The young ladies — even 7 myself — 
would be sadly disappointed 

M. DE Bonbon. (Recovering) Oh, certainment, 
I shall be charrmed, Mademoiselle! (Bows and 
kisses her hand) 

Miss Snatchem. (Looking at him admiringly ) 
What grace, what elegance! Such an addition as 
you will be. Monsieur, to our little circle. (To 
ToNYJ You may go now, Antoinette ! 

(Tony retires to door, zvhere she stands a moment, 
listening and laughing, then goes out.) 

Miss Snatchem. (Gazing fixedly at M. de 
BonbonJ Ah, Monsieur, how true is the saying 
that kindred souls, like twin flames, leap to meet 
each other ! Your face has the strangest effect upon 
me. I have a feeling that somehow — somewhere — 
we two have met before ! (Enter Evie Blake, who 
crosses at back of stage, making eyes at new master. 
She carries handkerchief ostentatiously in one hand 
and drops it behind M. de Bonbon as she passes. 
He sees her, picks np handkerchief, kisses and 
pockets it) Evie Blake, leave this room instantly ! 
(To M. de Bonbon j Perhaps, Monsieur, in some 
other life • 

M. DE Bonbon. Perhaps, Mademoiselle, but 
pardon, ze young ladies — I sink dey arrive — (Noise 
outside of giggling and fluttering) 

Miss Snatchem. (Pressing his hand) We shall 
have a chance to talk later? (Music, a march or 



A LITTLE F.XCITEMENT 23 

two-step. Enter the girls, inarching two by two. 
Tony and Angie bring up line. Angie is eating a 
banana which Tony vainly tries to get awav from 
her. Girls curtesy as they pass before Dancing 
Master, then range themselves in line opposite him) 
Young ladies, I present M. de Bonbon! 

M. DE Bonbon. (Bowing) Charrmed, Mesdem- 
oiselles ! 

(Girls curtesy again.) 

Miss Snatchem. (Beckoning to NoraJ I wish 
especially to recommend to your notice, Monsieur, 
our talented new pupil. Miss Angeline Gottrich ! 
(^ToNY snatches banana and pushes Angie forzuard. 
She bobs and M. de Bonbon bozvs lozv) Your 
movements, dear child, do not possess the grace 
which your unusual opportunities for culture would 
have led me to expect. Pay particular attention to 
the instructions of Monsieur ! 

M. DE Bonbon. Ah, no mattaire. Mademoiselle 
Angie shall soon bounce wiz ze grace of ze young 
gazelle! And now, Mesdemoiselles, in line, if you 
please! Ze music, if you please! We will begin 
wiz ze waltz step. One, two, three — one, two, 
three — (A zvalts is played. He dances, girls, except 
EviE and Angie, imitate his steps. Evie is slyly 
throzving him- kisses, Angie stands in sidlen silence 
till poked by Tony, zvhen she shuffles from side to 
side in elephantine style) Excellente ! Partners, 
now, if you please! (Girls rush forzuard, hoping 
to be chosen. He takes Evie. Rest pair off and 
dance at back of stage. M. de Bonbon leads Evie 
to center front, pauses, takes her handkerchief 
from his pocket, kisses and replaces it) 

Evie. Heavens, my handkerchief ! (Stretches 
hand for it) 



24 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

M. DE Bonbon. (In melodramatic tones) Never! 
It rests on my heart so — forever ! 

EviE. (Delighted) I shall swoon — at least I 
would if Snatchy weren't looking! Pretend to be 
showing me the step. (Both dance) 

M. DE Bonbon. Can it be with you as with me — 
that first look ? 

EviE. I've read of love at first sight 

M. DE Bonbon. How true is the saying that 
kindred souls, like twin flames, leap to meet each 
other! Your exquisite face has the strangest effect 
upon me ! I feel that somehow — somewhere we 
two have met before ! Perhaps in some other life — 
(^Tony takes M. de Bonbon aside. Miss Snatchem 
draws Evie away) 

Tony. Be careful ! Aren't you laying it on a bit 
thick? Evie Blake is crazy about you already! 
She's bet her best coral necklace and her new Roman 
sash you'll propose this very day ! 

M. DE Bonbon. Propose? I'll elope with her! 
Look here, Tony, if I can make a fool of Evie 
Blake, it may teach her a lesson that will last the 
rest of her life! 

Tony. (Giggling) All right, only don't go too 
far. If Miss Snatchem finds out 

M. DE Bonbon. And what if Miss Snatchem 
finds out the real name and character of Miss 
Angeline Montgomery Gottrich, formerly known 
as Nora O'Halligan? 

Tony. Hush! Don't tell, for heaven's sake! 

M. DE Bonbon. Not if you don't interfere with 
my little plan for disciplining Evie! Ah, Madem- 
oiselle! (She takes a turn about stage zmth Angie, 
who is pushed forzvard by Miss Snatchem. Angie 
trips and falls flat. Tony and M. de Bonbon haul 
her to chair and fan her frantically, while girls 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 25 

group thnnsehes in background. Miss Snatchem 
bending solicitously over AngieJ 

Tony. There, give her air ! I forgot to tell you 
about her weak heart! 

Miss Snatchem. And her long journey — I 
shouldn't have permitted such exertion. Dear child, 
you must rest ! A cup of tea 

Nora. (Springing to her feet) Shure, Oi'U 
have a cup o' tay, guid and sthrong, wid a biled igg 
and a pertaty to it, an' a glass o' beer if ye have ony 
handy ! 

Tony. I'll take her to the dining room. (She 
hustles Angie out) 

Miss Snatchem. Young ladies, you are excused. 
Salute Monsieur and retire. (Music. Girls march 
out, curtseying as they pass M. de Bonbon, who 
kisses his hand to Evie j At last we are alone. Ah, 
Monsieur, you cannot conceive what a joy it is for 
a frail little creature like myself to feel that a man's 
strong arm is near to lean upon! (Takes his arm 
and leans on him) Yes, even now danger is at 
hand 

M. DE Bonbon. (Holding her off and glancing 
nervously about) Danger? 

Miss Snatchem. Yes, this very day a base 
intruder — a burglar — was discovered trying to in- 
vade these peaceful premises ! 

M. DE Bonbon. (Drawing azvay from her) A 
burglar ! Heavens ! Mademoiselle will excuse — it 
is time I return to ze city. 

Miss Snatchem. (Clinging to him) No. no, 
I cannot let you go. You must sup with me at least. 
Ah, if you were only here to stay! 

M. DE Bonbon. To stay? 

('Tony appears in doorway left. At right heads 
of Dolly and Maudie are seen. The three girls 



26 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

exchange winks and nods during situation that 
follozvs.) 

Miss Snatchem. (Languishingly) Yes, as my 
partner, my defender, my 

M. DE Bonbon. (Helplessly) Your what? 

Miss Snatchem. My — Can't you guess? My 
husband ! (She flings herself into his arms), 

Curtain. 



ACT III. 

Scene: — Same scene as Act II. Shaded lamp on 
small table at back of stage. Table at front 
on left holds china wash bowl and half a dozen 
china tooth mugs. Enter Nora in hat and coat 
over 7vhifc dress. She drags bag luhich is so 
full that it bursts open, fan, gloves, silver- 
backed mirror dropping out. 

Nora. (Stuffing fan and gloves back in bag) 
Ah, sthay in there, will yez? Thim gurrls will 
niver miss a few trinkets ! (She picks iip mirror 
and studies herself in it) Faith, it's the foine- 
looker Oi am in these duds ! f Mike appears in 
doorzvay, his finger to lips. Nora starts and drops 
mirror) 

Mike. Sst ! Are ye ready ? (He comes tozuard 
her. She screams) 

Nora. (Embracing him) Mike, me darlint, is it 
yersilf? Shure, jist fer a jiffy I tought ye wuz 
the burrglar they're all talkin' about ! 

Mike. I'm not so sure there's no burrglar here, 
Nory! (He looks around nervously) There's a bit 
av a rope danglin' from a windy upstairs, an' the 
back door was wide open. The Cap he sint me 
round to inspict the premises, but 'tis no wan man 
job this ! Come on, Nory darlint, this is no place 
fer us at all, at all ! (He grabs bag, seizes Nora 
27. 



28 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

^3' arm and leads her toward door. Noise is heard 
outside. Voice calls ''Angler Mike drops bag in 
fright) 

Nora. Whist ! Tis too late ! Thim young- divils 
are comin'. Hide ye there! (She pushes Mike be- 
hind screen, strips off her coat and flings it after 
him. Enter Evie, dressed in cloak, picture hat, etc., 
looking nervously around. She sees Nora, screams 
and starts in melodramatic style) 

Evie. Oh, Angie, where are yon going? 

Nora. Where am / goin'? An' phwat's that to 
ye? (She throzus hat after coat. Mike, bobbing up 
from behind screen, catches it on head, and dives 
again) 

Evie. (Striding up and down stage) After all, 
do I dare? Oh, my heart, my heart ! (Clasps hands 
on breast) 

Nora. Yer hearrt, is it? Shure, 'tis ye're 
sthummick that's troublin' ye ! 'Tis thim three paces 
o' pie ye ate fer yer dinner the night 

Evie. Oh, be still, Angie ! How can your gross 
undeveloped nature grasp the wild sweetness of first 
love ? For Love, Angie Gottrich, I would throw the 
world away ! 

Nora. (Coldly, looking at herself in mirror) Ye 
don't say? An' who's the feller? 

Evie. (Coyly) Can't you guess ? Did you notice 
nothing this afternoon? 

Nora. Phwat! Ye don't mane ye'd be afther 
runnin' aff wid that little double-jinted, fish-faced 
f rawg av a Frinchman ? Him wid the tread av a cat 
an' the vice av a canary? 

Evie. (Drawing herself up) I mean our new 
dancing master, M. de Bonbon. 

Nora. Bedad, thin, if 'twas me Oi'd rather have 
a man! 

f Mike's head bobs up and they exchange zvinks.) 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 29 

EviE. You're jealous. But come now, Angle, 
don't you really and truly think he's worth giving 
up one's all for? 

Nora. Dade an' I don't thin ! Be aff to bed an' 
don't be makin' a fool of yersilf entirely ! 

EviE. I can't give him up — and yet — well, any- 
way, I've got till midnight to make up my mind ! 
(She runs out left as girls on tiptoe, giggling, enter 
at right. They wear kimonos, bondoir caps, etc. 
Some carry lighted candles, one a chafing dish, one a 
spoon, etc. They place things on table left, then, 
seeing Angie, they take hands and dance softly 
round her, she struggling to break through circle ) 

Nora. Let me go, thin, I say! (Girls break 
circle) 

Dolly. Don't be ungrateful, Angie darling! 
This is your party, and we're taking this frightful 
risk all for your sake ! 

Maudie. But where is Tony? She ought to be 
back from the village by this time! 

Ethel. Suppose something's happened to her? 
Suppose she's been caught? 

(Enter Tony, her arms full of bundles.) 

Tony. Caught ? Not your Tony ! (Girls rush to 
welcome her) 

Girls. Oh, oh, we were so worried! 

Tony. (Standing center, girls in two groups on 
either side) I did have a race for it! Jones' dog 
took a flying bite at my heels as I jumped the last 
fence. But here I am, girls, safe and sound ! 

Rosalie. Did you bring the lemon drops? 

Clare. And the pickled oysters? 

Millicent, And the marshmallows ? 

Hilda. And the canned lobster? 

Madge. And the cheese and the chocolate and 
the chewing gum? 



30 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

Tony. (Giving up parcels) Yes — everything — 
and here's a surprise! (Hands box to MaudieJ 

Maudie. First peep! Oh, Tony — ice cream — 
you perfect dear! 

Girls. Ice cream! (They snatch box and pass 
it from one to another) 

Tony. (Fanning herself with cap) It's pretty 
soft. Chuck it in the wash bowl, somebody. Girls, 
bring your tooth mugs ! 

(Two girls move table center front. Others, hold- 
ing mugs, scat themselves cross-legged on floor 
in two groups, left and right. Tony, sitting on 
table, dishes ice cream out of wash bowl into 
tooth mugs, talking meanwhile.) 

Tony. Now isn't this great? 

Dolly. (Her mouth full) Splendid! It's the 
grandest, dandiest feast we've ever had ! 

Girls. Simply spiffing! 

Tony. Haven't seen anything of the Burglar, 
have you? 

Maudie. (Jumping up and looking round room) 
Oh, oh, don't! I'd forgotten all about him! 

Tony. (Teasingly) He may be in the house at 
this very minute — perhaps hiding in this very room. 

(Girls all scream and spring to feet. Angie backs 
up against screen.) 

Dolly. (Beginning to cry) Oh, I want to go 
back to bed and hide under the covers! 

Angie. Faith, that's the furrst wurrd av sinse 
I've heard ye spake the night ! Ah go on now to yer 
beds, will yez? (She looks imploringly at Tony J 

Tony. Nonsense, Angie, it's not polite of you to 
want to break up your party. Sit down, girls. 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 31 

(Girls sit) No burglar can scare me! Say, hasn't 
this been a perfect day? 

Ethel. Spiffing ! Simply creamy ! 

Dolly. First there was Angie, and then our 
new master 

Maudie. Isn't he a sweet? 

Dolly. And now this gorgeous feast, — not to 
speak of the fun of feeling that we may be nabbed 
at any minute by Snatchy — or the Burglar! 

Girls. Oh, oh ! (They look anxiously over 
shoulders) 

Dolly. I'm going to propose a toast — in melted 
ice cream. 

(Girls rise to feet and wave mugs.) 

Dolly. To our Tony — Tony the Terror — the 
jolliest girl in School ! 

Girls. Hurrah ! Speech, speech ! 

fToNY stands on table to reply.) 

Tony. Girls, I — I don't know what to say, except 
that I love you every one and — (Loud sneeze is 
heard and Mike's head appears above screen. Nora 
zvildly motions him back) 

Tony. (Seeing him) The Burglar ! Fly ! Run 
for your lives ! 

(Girls all follow Tony out right. Enter Evie r. 
Enter M. de Bonbon left. Mike, with Nora 
clinging to him, ducks back behind screen at 
sight of them.) 

M. DE Bonbon. My adored one! (He clasps 
EviE in arms) Come, all is ready ! The rope ladder 
swings from yonder window ! The post-chaise waits 



Z2 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

outside the garden gate. Come ! (He seizes her 
by arm, leading her toward door) 

EviE. No, no — wait ! I — I think I've changed 
my mind ! 

M. DE Bonbon, What? Do you no longer love 
me ? 

EviE. (Sobbing) Of course. I just adore you! 
But somehow — eloping isn't half — so much fun — as 
I thought it would be! 

M. DE Bonbon. Too late, too late ! (He makes a 
dash at Evie, zvho screams and baeks into the arms 
of Miss Snatchem, zvho enters from left. She 
wears striped wrapper, curl papers, etc. Carries 
poker) 

Miss Snatchem. Heavens! Who's this? (She 
makes a grab at M. de Bonbon — ivho at sight of her 
turns and tries to run out right but is stopped by 
entrance of girls, headed by Tony. They are armed 
with umbrellas, tennis racquets, hair brushes, curling 
tongs, etc. Miss Snatchem pushes Evie aside, 
seizes M. de Bonbon by coat tail and pulls him 
around stage) 

Miss Snatchem. Villain! Miscreant! Wretch! 

Evie. (Holding her back) Don't blame him! I 
suggested our elopement. 

Miss Snatchem. Elopement! An elopement in 
my school? (Turning on M. de Bonbon J xA.nd 
youf — Quick, girls, the telephone! Fetch the 
police ! 

M. DE Bonbon. No, no, it's a mistake, all a mis- 
take! (To Miss Snatchemj Give me one mo- 
ment alone and I'll explain ! 

Miss Snatchem. Impossible. The police. 

("Mike knocks over screen and stands revealed, 
Nora clinging to him.) 



A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 33 

Mike. (Touching his hat) Here's the police, 
Ma'am ! 

Miss Snatchem. Horrors! 

Girls. The Burglar! 

Mike. I ain't no burglar, beggin' yer pardon, 
Ma'am. 'Twas the Cap at the Station House sint 
me to take a look at the primises, an' findin' the 
back door open I stepped in 

Miss Snatchem. (Sternly) Why did you hide 
behind that screen ? And what — zvhat are you doing 
with your arm around that young lady ? Loose her 
instantly ! 

Mike. Beggin' yer pardon, Ma'am, this ain't no 
young lady. 

Miss Snatchem. What — Miss Angeline Gctt- 
rich 

Mike. * (Firmly) No, Ma'am, Miss Nory 
O'Halligan an' me promised wife. 'Twas to-night 
we was to be married, but seein' she's waited some 
time she can wait a bit longer while I'm nabbin' 
this feller — (He makes dash at M. de Bonbon, who 
has been trying to edge tozmrd door) 

Miss Snatchem. Stop! Don't hurt him! 
After all, I won't have him arrested. Poor mis- 
guided man ! 

Mike. (Struggling with M. de Bonbon, who 
shrieks and squirms) Man? Man is it? Divil 
a bit av a man! (He pulls off Miss Archer's 
hat, wig, and mustache, her hair falls about 
shoulders) Here, Miss. Here's your husband! 
(Pushes Miss Archer towards Evie, who screams 
and covers face with hands. Girls all laugh. Miss 
Snatchem sinks into chair center) 

Miss Snatchem. Can any one tell me what all 
this means? 

Tony. (Kneeling beside her) It means that 
everything — all this frightful mix-up is the fault of 



34 A LITTLE EXCITEMENT 

one naughty girl, your Tony ! / got Miss Archer 
to play the part of M. de Bonbon so that she might 
teach some of us dancing, and one of us a lesson that 
was far more needed. (She looks toward Evie^ 
It was I who made Nora pretend to be Angie so — 
so you wouldn't be disappointed and I could have 
time to get help for you from Uncle Theo. And 
there was one more other reason for all this mis- 
chief. We wanted — Girls, tell her what we wanted ! 

Miss Archer. (Interrupting) A little excite- 
ment ! 

Girls. (Waving racquets, umbrellas, etc.) Yes, 
yes, a little excitement ! 

(Tableau. Miss Snatchem center. Evie stand- 
ing at L. Tony kneeling at r. Miss Archer 
standing at left. Girls in two groups r. and l. 
Nora and Mike embracing in background.) 



CURTAIN. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



THE TOUCH-DOWN. 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short. 8 males. 6 females, but any 
number of characters can be introduced in the ensembles. Costumes mod- 
ern. One Ulterior scene throughout the play. Time. 2'^ hours. 

c-j7'iV^ pJ?^' ^^i;^"^'? ^'^'^ *,^^ "^^ ''^ '■'^^'^'' amateurs, is the story of life in 
Siddell, a Pennsylvania co-ed„cat.onal college. It deals with the vicissitudes and 
final triumph of the Siddell Football Eleven, and the humorous and dramatic 
incidents connected tlierevvith. uiamctin, 

.r^^'TiI"^ Touch-Down- has the true varsity atmosphere, college songs are sung, 
and the piece is lively and entertaining throughout. High schools will make no 

wenlt^itlen^colnSy.^ ''''' ''''■ '' ^ '''-'^'^ ^^^°— ^ '^ - ^H^.-^^Centt 

HURRY, HURRY, HURRY. 

^ A comedy in three acts, by LeRoy Arnold. 5 males, 4 females One 
mtenor scene. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

The story is based on the will of an eccentric aunt. It stipulates that her 
pretty niece must be affianced before she is twenty-one, and marrfed to her 
5ance withm a yean, if she is to get her spinster relative's million Father has 
nice notions of honor and ails to tell daughter about the will, so that she may 
make her choice untrammeled by any other consideration than that of true love 
J^/.h^t °"/" takes place in the evening the midnight of which will see her 
reach twenty-one. Time is therefore short, and it is hurry, hurry, hurry if she 

siloSd^le e^^^cTe^d-ffomlts-li/I:.^^^^ ^"^ ^^^ ^'^ --' ^'^^ S^ ctS 

THE VARSITY COACH. 

A three-act play .3f college life, by Marion Short, specially adapted 
to performance by amateurs or high school students. 5 males 6 females 
but any number of boys and girls may be introduced in the action of the 
play. Two settmgs necessary, a college boy's room and the university 
campus, lime, about 3 hours. uiivci^iy 

r^.y^u^ ""^"^ another college boy, "Bob" Selby. an all-round popular college 
man, becomes possessed of the idea that athletic prowess is more to be desirfd 
than scholarship. He ,s surprised in the midst of a "spread" in his room In 
Regatta week by a visit from his aunt who is putting"^ him through ?Xge 
Aunt Serena "a lady of the old school and the deareJt little woman ?n the 
whole world," has hastened to make this visit to her adored nepheT under the 

UeT^ZriT'r '^'' Y '' ',^°",' *° ^^"'^^ '^' F^"^^^-^ prize VrschofarshTp 
Her grie and chagrin when she learns that instead of the prize Robert has 

IwVr^ tou 'h "^ "'"ti ^'^''^ '' equivalent to suspension for poor scholarship 
rZlLLi^i I pathos to an otherwise jolly comedy of college life. How the 
repentant Robert more than redeems himself, carries od honors at the last and 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 



rS is^\ 




^ 



IHi 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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015 940 360 9 I 



